This doesn't just apply to relationships, it applies to anything one has invested time, money, effort, etc. into it. Once the recognition or admittance that it no longer is right for you or that you are no longer right for it or just it is not a good fit, the only thing to do is to step away. However, that's easier said than done.
A relationship is probably the hardest thing to step away from especially if there is ownership of something between you. Stepping away or getting rid of that ownership, say a house, is emotionally hard. Investing time into something like a dissertation under a Committee Chair is also hard to change emotionally. If there is a difference of opinion in how to proceed, it is hard to find common ground afterwards. However, continuing under a new Chair that is unfamiliar is scary too. Will you both be able to see "eye-to-eye" or is it another failure? Being told by your boss that you're off your game is also hard. It's not a failure per se, but close. However, combining with the other events it comes close to feeling like a failed venture. The difference is that you can at least pick-up where you've left off and succeed.
Selling a house is exciting and scary at the same time. Having to move your "clutter" to a storage area almost makes one realize whether you needed that "clutter" in the first place. I've got a lot of interests and those interests build up "clutter". At the same time, it's very exciting to look for a place all your own...then you realize that you're all alone... Starting a new relationship is scary. So many things to think about. So many things to fret about: will you do something "wrong"; will she be different than what she seems to be; will your family like her; will she honor your priorities in life (e.g. dissertation)?
Finding a new place to live isn't unstressful...Should I rent or buy?...Should I buy because in three years I may want to move and maybe the market won't be good enough for selling?...What's too big?...What's too small?...What if I really like a place and can't get it - should I settle or rent?
Changing a committee chair is similar to moving. The same questions can apply: will we see eye-to-eye; will s/he be like the first Chair; will she understand your job? But at the same time, it will be nice to feel like you have a fresh start and freedom to continue to write your dissertation without the fear of failing every quarter.
Heck, writing a dissertation has it's own stresses and questions: Can I even do this? Why did I start this? Will it make sense - AM I making sense?
Life's questions don't have to be so philosophical and deep. They just have to be asked and faced. Once an answer or decision is made, one has to - in military terms - move out! Go forward. You can look back but don't long for what was...look back and see what it teaches you. It's okay to grieve and cry and to wonder why...I know, I know, that rhymed. But it was the only way to put it succinctly.
I am moving forward. My (ok our) house is on the market. I am looking for a place to live that will allow me to grow with my new relationship. I just received a new Committee Chair. And I'm getting back - as my boss states - on top of my game. It's scary, exciting, fun, aggravating, and other words I'm not right now thinking of. But I know that I have the right people in my life behind me that will help me make the right decision(s)...and I thank God for all that He's given me and guiding me. So in the words of the song that the Rascal Flats sing, "...I'm moving on...."
...and a PhD means...that moving on and moving forward, combined with life's philosophical questions and answers, are the means to living and being happy...
