Dad's Rules...learning when they apply...

Life would have turned out so very different had I not listened to Dad.  I wouldn't be where I am today.  I would be someone different.  I'm sure of it.

It's quite an interesting concept to contemplate.

I got out of college after two and a half years - or as my Dad calls it, 2 years and a practice semester.  Okay...my first semester was a 1.36 average.  Needless to say that I wasn't enthralled with school.

I was intending to enlist in the Army.  I didn't know what I wanted to do in life and it seemed the right thing to do and get focused.  Dad said it wasn't a bad idea but I should finish school first.  I had half a degree and that was like swimming half-way across the Missouri River, saying I couldn't make it and going back.  He suggested I finish school first and if I still wanted to enlist, well, he'll be there to swear me in.  BUT...if I was going to go in and I had a degree, go in as an officer.

So that's what I did.  I got my Bachelors of Science degree in Interdisciplinary Studies with a Focus of Biological Illustrating.  I know, I know, it sounds like a fake degree.  It's very real from a very real and accredited school.  AND...I was commissioned a Second Lieutenant (2LT) in the U.S. Army Reserves as an Air Defense Officer.  

Years later I get my Masters of Science degree in Organizational Leadership. At least this one sounds like a real degree.  Of course I told my Dad that I pursued it because the acronym was M-SOL...he wasn't amused.

And now I'm writing my dissertation for my PhD.

But what if...would I be a Sergeant Major?...would I have continued in the military for 20 years?  Would my Dad have told me his three rules?  Would my outlook on life be the same?

I do know that I may have even changed who I am physically.  Yes, I would have had to stay in shape.  But that's not quite what I meant. Maybe I wouldn't have stayed in the military and therefore allowed to be who I am, gay...and even perhaps be whom I always felt/thought I was supposed to be.

So what are those rules you ask?  You were asking, right?  Of course you were.

The three rules are:

1) They can bend your dogtags but they can't kill you.  They'll make life hard for you.  They did, but I'm still kicking.

2) Not everything is fun.  Find the silver lining and make it fun.  The hard things will so much more enjoyable.

3) There are opportunities out there but you won't know if they are yours unless you look at them.  You can always say no, but what if they were for you and you didn't look at them?  I know I let some slip away...but then...I don't know God's plan...so did I?

I have lived by those rules and the one I added, which is: you never know until/unless you ask.  However, it's Dad's third rule that has me pondering.  What about are my opportunities now?  I know there are a few.  I didn't want to miss the opportunity to propose to Mary Ann and lose the best gift of love I've ever been given.  She's allowed me to be me in ways that I'm surprised at, and that door is not locked.  So I proposed.

So how does this tie into my dissertation and becoming a PhD?  Well, it's all on the same road.  It's becoming whom I have seen myself for a long time, a professor.  I'm taking the opportunity to become something better.  Perhaps both opportunities will meet...just perhaps...

...and a PhD means...that you find the open doors...the opportunities that are yours...that you find the strength inside to finish the race triumphant...being true to yourself...oh, and perhaps listening to Dad wasn't so bad after all...

Saving for a rainy day and hoping it doesn't flood...

First I must admit that I had no idea what I was doing when I bought the "house".  We'll call it "Tea Table" - that was the road it was on.  It's amazing the things one learns when up against a wall (pun intended).  Buying and selling Tea Table has been not only confusing but frustrating.  My former partner and I had been looking for houses that would give us enough room for family visits and our stuff.

Stuff...you know, things...like my guitars and recording stuff, my pool table, her humongous 62" TV, and her weight machine (to which we added a spin bike, an elliptical, and a treadmill).

Of course we had to have at least one guest bedroom and an office.

So...you know...room.

I was a bit cautious...perhaps the better word is "trepidation"...I had a good amount of trepidation when buying this house.  First, I had only owned one house prior to this and that was with my ex-husband and that was...quite a few years ago.  (We'll just leave it at that.)  So I don't remember anything about that loan process.  But I don't remember every little detail about this loan process either.  The price of the house had me scared.  I was afraid that we were getting in over our heads.  We didn't but there were times I felt I was waste deep in a flooded river.  But it was selling Tea Table that will have scarred me forever.  Okay, not really but it was an emotional roller coaster.  It was quite overwhelming.

I learned to read e v e r y t h i n g on the contracts and ask questions, state the mistakes, etc. because if that contract is signed and you don't know what it is or says, then it's on you.  I also learned that housing market prices be damned.  If you want to get the price you want for the house, DON'T, DO NOT let your realtor sway you into putting it on at market value.  Also don't let your ex sway you out of a sale because she thinks we could get more - because that is not going to happen.  It didn't.  Hence the sentence prior.

It ended up costing not only emotions and time, but a lot of money.  I had to pull money out of my investments and my IRA.  You know the IRS loved that one.  But at least I had it.  I had to pull from my reserves that were there for a rainy day.  And as my Dad said, "This is your rainy day."

So just like all the relationships prior to the one that is the one that you know is right taught you the lessons to make this one work, very house bought and sold teaches you lessons to do things right with the next one.  It's the life lessons learned that help us along the way.

So it is with my dissertation.  I wrote a proposal that could not be defended because I found that in the group I was to interview, there was only one person available.  A dataset of one is not doable.  So after some tears and feeling sorry for myself, back to the drawing board.  Re-read all the articles to completely refocus the topic of the dissertation.  It took me a year to be back to having a proposal to hand in.

So now I have the feedback on what I thought would be the proposal to go forward.  But I missed the mark.  I have a substantial rewrite on Chapter 2, the literature review; which causes editing of Chapters 1 and 3.  Really?  Okay.  Darn.  I still have some drive left in the reserve tank.  They say the best dissertation is a done dissertation.  So let's get this thing done.  Third times a charm, right?  I think this is why school is so costly.

But learning from my first two attempts, I redid the outline to match the revised argument (thank you Dr Dixon for your help).  It will take effort but I know that I've learned about my topic because my Committee Chair summized my argument from what I wrote.  Now I just have to get better at writing it in a proposal.

...and a PhD means...that the PhD process...and life...can be overwhelming but it's not letting yourself get flooded out that  matters...rainy days don't last but the learning should...