Will I know when it's right? How will I know?
I can't count how many times I've asked these two questions and other variations of this. I've gotten answers such as, "you'll know in your heart", or "it's a gut feeling", etc. And though both have a modicum of truth, it's more than that. It's just a k n o w i n g.
I can't tell you how many times I thought "this is right". No, really...I can't. I've said or thought it too many times. Sometimes knowing it really may not be the right one or thing and sometimes thinking it...noooo...hoping it was right.
I met my current partner and future wife when I wasn't really looking. I gave up on online dating. For the most part, I gave up on dating. I had dated and they weren't the "right one"; either for me or I for them. And that's okay. If you don't date or don't try, you won't know.
But when I met MAM (I'll use her initials only), it was easy...calm...fun.... I haven't stopped smiling. We talk all the time. Sometimes it's about the same thing we talked about last night, last week, last month...but reiterating it solidifies it. So to reiterate...when I met MAM, it was right.
Now I can go into and compare and breakdown Donald Rumsfeld's "There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know."*
Aaaaanndd...yes...it does apply. I'm not going to...this time.
However, it is the same with my dissertation. Really? I'm going to compare a relationship to writing a dissertation? Yes. Yes I am.
You see there's the online looking. That's the looking for the main research question and gap in literature. You read and read and you think you have it...then you find that the next thing you read totally answers the research question. Then you find a gap. And lo and behold! It really is a gap. And you ask yourself, "could this be the one?"
So you go out on a limb and start putting the proposal together. It's going good. Maybe not great but you're ready to say yup. This is it. I'm ready to start the rest of my life.
But unfortunately, the answer can't be found because the method you thought was going to give you the answers was derailed by an evil witch. No really! Okay. Not really. But I wanted to see if you were still with me. It really did get derailed.
In having to go back and re-look at the literature (the online dating...I mean looking), I found that gap. I have to rewrite the whole proposal. Yes, the literature review too. But I know what I'm going for now. I don't know if my hypothesis is right or wrong but I know that my research will let me know.
I know that I know.
I know that MAM is the right one for me. Simply put - I finally belong. I know that "gap" is the right one. Simply put...let's just suffice it to say that I know...that I know. Because, yes, there are known knowns and known unknowns. And I know that I know that too.
...and a PhD means...when I really know that I know...I'll know...
* http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/d/donaldrums148142.html#ZDiXRK0a7U4GYJUi.99
