Time In a Bottle, Calendars, and Lessons Learned

Have you ever had a time when you forgot to change the calendar to the next month? I just realized I hadn't changed this one for a month. I wonder why we do that? Is it to "stop" time? Do we really think that'll work?

Jim Croce sang about keeping time in a bottle to save every day to be able to spend that time with the loved one anytime he wished. Ultimately, he finds that there will never be enough time to spend with that one person or to do what one wants to. For all intents and purposes...that just sucks.

I look at the days now that I'm in my 50s and I want some of them back. I want to change some of the things I've said and done. Though I have done so many things and been so many incredible places, there are moments I wish I could relive and stay right there. I only have a few regrets that I try very hard to not let my thoughts and emotions get the better of me.

So I've probably piqued your curiosity, huh? Okay, I will share with you what those moments are and what I've learned from them.

One thing I would have done differently is to take a picture of my sister, Lisa, and me when she and I had an hour or so together as we walked around the zoo talking. I took pictures of animals instead. Little did I know that in two to three months she would not be with us on this earth. It was a special time for us and I put that memory in my personal "bottle" and visit it often.

I would have found just that little bit more time to spend with the one I love when we could be together; bask in the closeness and the safety of her arms. I don't know that those moments will ever happen again...and I miss it with a deep longing and a yearning to re-encounter it.

One regret is that I would have listened to my instincts and flew up the morning of 24 August. I may have had the one chance to see my sister. I live close enough but yet so far away. 

So what are the lessons that I learned from this?

I learned to not rush certain things. Get someplace early, if possible, and take in all that there is. Stay a bit after and maybe experience something so incredible. Listen to what people have to say; hang on every word. Talk to as many people as possible. Get their story. It may surprise you what you learn from them.

I have a friend that passed away a couple of days ago. I was privileged enough to be able to call her friend and have the opportunity to spend a short amount of time with her. Last year she knew she was dying of cancer. Though she hoped to stave off the inevitable, she wasn't afraid. Her courage and poise was amazing. Her she was fighting for her life and she had the grace to coach me through the understanding of death; that it is not something to fear but to embrace. Her faith in Christ was strong. Even though a few days before her death when given the news it would be soon, I cried for hours, upon the news that she too left this world, I was able to rejoice for her.

Drink in the moments that you know won't last forever. Savor every second. Know every taste, smell, feel, sound. Don't let one small thing interrupt or ruin a moment.

Laugh hard and long. Retell the things that you laugh at and don't worry if someone else doesn't "get it"...who cares? It was funny to you and that is all that matters.

Do things now. They may be chores, projects, whatever. DO them...NOW. Don't look back and think "what if" or say, "I coulda, shoulda, woulda." Television is fun but it should not be a crutch. Take a sick day off of work and just watch movies. But don't sit and watch TV when you know you should be doing something else. All that serves to do is pile guilt on and smother it with a feeling of being overwhelmed and scrambling to find the time to spend with loved ones and friends.

My friend, I trust that you have dreams, desires, and goals. Well, at least I hope you do. If there is one thing you need to let out of the bottle it would be one or all of those. Those are the things you put a mark on the calendar and aim for. Don't stop until you've achieved it. Try...try again.

...and a PhD means...I am learning about life as much as I am learning about the contents of getting my doctorate: get it done, enjoy life, enjoy people, and be in the "now".

Bent Dog-Tag, Silver Lining, and Other Rules

There are times that I feel like I am the one that knows this or that backward and forwards...which differs from the time that I feel like a complete dunce. I'm sure everyone has had both of those moments. The problem is that I seem to have a lot of them lately...sometimes one right after the other.

Take today...I'm at the library in Dennis, Massachusetts (Cape Cod) going through all the articles that I have found thus far. Then I go to the Walden Library online and search for more articles (Why? Because my Chair said that I need a minimum of 10 articles. So I'm looking and looking and looking...you get the idea...and I realize as I compare what the search has found that I have them downloaded already.

Damn I'm good! At first I felt like I was...you know "all that and a bag of chips"...THEN I realized...wait...I had them already...why didn't I use them? Well, hell! Now I just feel dumb.

Now my two friends that are with me said look at the bright side...I don't have to spend my time looking things up...just reading and writing. Now that's what friends are for.

So I sat there thinking about all the times that people have that instant feel good moment taken away. Perhaps they should look at the bright side and realize that there's a silver lining...if they can see it.

I spent my career looking for the silver lining in everything I did. Why? Because my father told me to. When he commissioned me as a Second Lieutenant in the US Army Reserves, he told me three rules:

1. They can't kill you...they can bend your dog-tags but they can't kill you.

It took me a while to figure that out...cause of course my consistent analytical mind said that they could kill me. There's a lot of things soldiers die from literally...but not metaphorically...

2. There are opportunities in life. They may be yours they may not be but you won't know unless you look at them. You can always say no, but if that opportunity passes, you won't have the ability to say yes or no to it.

I looked at a lot of opportunities in my life and I'm really glad I had that piece of advice. I had the pleasure of doing a lot things that I wouldn't have and that other people will never have the chance/opportunity to.

3. Not everything is fun. So make it fun. Find that silver lining and have fun.

Now, I must say, that this one was not hard for me to obtain at all. I knew how to have fun. I see the lighter and funnier side of life in so many things. This is not to say that there hasn't been heartache, tears, sorrow, and times I thought I'd never be happy again. But eventually even through all those times, I can look back and see some fun times.

I've only added one rule...

4. You never know until you ask.

All they can say is "no". You're no worse off then you were before. So if they say "yes" then it's just the gravy on top...another silver lining if you will.

So that's what I did with my Chapter 2 a couple of weeks ago. I handed it in to my Chair. All she can say is that it wasn't right do it again...okay...but she didn't...she said I needed more but it was a great start. Yup I felt that "all-knowing" feeling again...until I looked at all the articles and dissertations I forgot I had and didn't go through...

Oh, well...she bent my dog-tag, but there's an opportunity to do it better, and the silver lining is that it is a great start! I'm still using Dad's rules. He'd be so proud.

...and a PhD means...that rules are guidelines and life needs them for the lessons you learn...